{"id":11649,"date":"2016-02-18T12:00:11","date_gmt":"2016-02-18T20:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fxnutrition.com\/?p=11649"},"modified":"2025-08-28T15:17:54","modified_gmt":"2025-08-28T15:17:54","slug":"counting-my-wins-inside-of-heavy-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.fxnutrition.com\/blog\/counting-my-wins-inside-of-heavy-loss","title":{"rendered":"Counting my wins inside of heavy loss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The question I\u2019m sitting with is what I\u2019ve lost and what I\u2019ve won.<br \/>\nLet me just start with what I\u2019ve lost, because it\u2019s big\u2026<br \/>\nMy father passed away on Thursday, February 11th at 9:30am.<br \/>\nIt\u2019s still fresh and raw. Yet I know you\u2019ve been following along &#8212; reading emails I sent from the hospital and traveling with me through his surgeries, radiation and managing a circus of -ologists.<br \/>\nI wanted you to know.<br \/>\nAnd yet I find myself doing what we all do when we lose something or, more importantly, someone. Reviewing every detail. Combing through each interaction. Reassessing all decisions made at each juncture, and passing judgement on my very own actions.<br \/>\n<em>Was there more that could have been done?<br \/>\nWas I aggressive enough in my proposed interventions?<br \/>\nDid I rightfully consider all his wishes?<\/em><br \/>\nAnd the answers are yes and no and it doesn\u2019t really matter because here we are.<br \/>\nIn witnessing the preciousness of life, of saying goodbye and I love you and I wish it was different, I\u2019m reminded of the work I do every day &#8211; work with people who aren\u2019t <em>necessarily <\/em>facing death due to their condition or diagnosis, and yet are filled with grief for the life that they once had, all the same.<br \/>\nThere\u2019s a tenderness in the synapse &#8212; the space between the place that was departed and the ultimate destination. In that synaptic cleft we encounter the unknown. And that cavity may exist for a lifetime, a moment, or several months, as it did for my dad.<br \/>\nNo matter the duration, to step into that fissure between past and future, with ourselves or loved ones, is a win. It\u2019s a blessing, a gift and an act of love and service.<br \/>\nAnd so, as I sit with my loss, I\u2019m counting my wins. Yes, they\u2019re about collaborations with doctors and giving my dad a sense of pride that I could adeptly handle his care, but more importantly they\u2019re in the sweet moments of holding his hand, talking to him in the middle of the night, receiving the recounting of his dreams in the last weeks of his life, and preparing my parents house for him last Saturday, even though I knew it would be his final ride home.<br \/>\nI hope you\u2019ll join me in stepping into the synapse and bringing the love and care back into healthcare. Especially your own.<br \/>\nLife is precious and yours is golden.<br \/>\nWarmly,<br \/>\n<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.fxnutrition.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/03\/signature.png\" alt=\"Andrea Nakayama\" width=\"192\" height=\"63\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-9811\" \/><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The question I\u2019m sitting with is what I\u2019ve lost and what I\u2019ve won.<br \/>\nLet me just start with what I\u2019ve lost, because it\u2019s big\u2026<br \/>\nMy father passed away on Thursday, February 11th at 9:30am.<br \/>\nIt\u2019s still fresh and raw. Yet I know you\u2019ve been following along &#8212; reading emails I sent from the hospital and traveling with me through his surgeries, radiation and managing a circus of -ologists.<br \/>\nI wanted you to know.<br \/>\nAnd yet I find myself doing what we all do when we lose something or, more importantly, someone. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[123],"tags":[169,180],"class_list":["post-11649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-body-systems","tag-immune-health","tag-mental-health"],"_yoast_wpseo_sitemap-include":null,"_yoast_wpseo_canonical":null,"_yoast_wpseo_redirect":null,"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-description":null,"_yoast_wpseo_opengraph-title":null,"_yoast_wpseo_focuskeywords":null,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-noindex":null,"_yoast_wpseo_meta-robots-nofollow":null,"_yoast_wpseo_title":"Counting my wins inside of heavy loss - Functional Nutrition Alliance","_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"Join me in reflecting on loss and love as I share my journey through grief after losing my father. 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